What have I learned?

Last year I was blind-sided by a lost pregnancy. I never saw it coming, I was that naive. 2% of women have an ectopic pregnancy! I was one of them . I remember reading about them in the pregnancy books when I was pregnant with Lincoln and Louisa and thinking, "gosh that would be awful!, I hope that never happens to me. What are the odds really? It seems so rare." Well, I am a statistic. Most of you who are close to me, know how hard that was for me to deal with. The loss of a baby and one of my tubes, devastated me. I had a lot to learn!! I would ask "why me", and I went through the different stages of grief. It took me months to get through the fog and see things a little more clearly. I was consumed by a desire and crushed by my loss. Once my eyes opened I saw it for what it really was, an opportunity for growth. I prayed, and studied, and prayed, and served, and tried, and prayed, and did everything I could think of to learn what I was suppose to learn. Honestly I think I was trying too hard. When what I really should've done was simply accepted that Heavenly Father was in control, and TRUST IN HIM.

So here I am again, almost a year later, suffering another loss. I'm grateful that it's just a normal miscarriage this time and not another ectopic( that would be the end of my baby days). I cried for two days, and then I felt at peace. It's amazing really. I feel like this is my chance to show that everything I went through, wasn't for nothing. I DID learn, I DID grow, and I AM stronger. It's as simple as I said, I finally TRUST. I'm content also. I have a beautiful family!!! They need me and I need them. Of course I still have the desire for more children, but it will happen or it won't, and I can still feel a completeness of joy. I finally learned how to let the healing power of the atonement work in my life. The loss was hard, but I have also gained so much. I can be grateful for that. "Come what may, and love it"